That soft little gurgling was adorable. Those delicate blue eyes staring up at him from within the milky depths of his wool blanket was a vision that could make anyone’s heart simply melt. A gentle smile rest upon the older male’s lips, his fingertips gingerly tracing across the child’s smooth cheek as he peeled away some of that material to get a better look at his little baby’s face. To be honest, he hadn’t really been able to look properly at his child, as of yet. It had all been a bit of a.. bustle really. So many people had been there when the little guy was born, waiting to get a look at him, to hold him, to make themselves known as a relation to this child. And there was a bloody large number of relations to the little thing.
Louis had never thought he'd get to this moment in his lifetime. Ever since his early teenage years, he'd always been adamant that he would just sail through the rest of his life without getting married, having children, growing old with his loved ones.. He had known what fate was to befall him, and so he simply discarded those normal things from his list of priorities. And so, the fact that he was here, with his own little baby lying back against his thighs as he rested his own feet up against the mattress of Felicity's hospital bed.. well, it was overwhelming.
He couldn't help but allow his smile to extend as he rested his back against his chair and just simply watched the little boy in front of him gurgle every now and again, obviously starting to slip itself into a comfortable slumber. It was surprising what the presence of a baby could cause to stir in some people. Felicity's father had been in earlier, and the male had treated Louis more like a son than ever before (instead of looking at him distastefully and telling him to keep the hell out of his daughter's pants). Luke, Eben, and Paige had also visited. Little Paige's grin did not falter for a moment as she'd gazed at her baby cousin, and Eben had been quite silent whilst he watched his nephew sleep. Luke had mostly focused on the new-mother, making sure she was getting a bit of her own attention for a while after he'd introduced himself to the child (making sure to specify that he was the best uncle out of the lot of 'em).
It seemed that most either had that quiet joy or those bursts of excitement when they'd visited and met the little fella. But.. Louis wasn't entirely certain how he felt. Of course, he was happy. He was pretty certain that he'd never been happier than the moment that he'd first held that small baby in his arms. But.. that didn't stop the nagging feeling at the back of his mind. He was losing his soul.. slowly but surely. No one knew when it was that it would give out, no one was certain how long he had.. but everyone supposed that it would be sooner rather than later.
Throughout Felicity's pregnancy, Louis had kept his feelings about this to himself. Something as joyous as a new life didn't need to be tainted black with the thought of how little time the father would have actually being a father to his son. But now, it seemed, in the silence of the previously bustling room, the thoughts seeped back to the forefront of his mind. Eyes quickly glanced over to Felicity's sleeping form, seeing how peaceful she looked as she got that well deserved rest. Watching her didn't relax Louis as much as he'd hoped, though.. as his vision turned back to his son, a saddened tone just seeping through his body.
He wasn't going to be there for Jimmy as he grew up. He wasn't going to be there to show him things, to help him through any problems he had. He wasn't going to be there to make sure that everything was okay for him. Louis' heart dropped as he wondered just how long it would be until he could no longer be considered as a proper father, until he lost the ability to take care of him. Stroking the back of his finger against his baby's cheek, the twenty-six year old's eyes began to sting, a layer of tears threatening to trickle down his cheeks. Louis never showed a vulnerability as strong as crying. He was certain that it had been before his teenage years when he'd last cried, but now.. he once more felt overwhelmed, but not with the joy he'd felt earlier. It was the complete opposite.
Upon the bed, it seemed that Felicity was stirring, the covers making soft shuffling noises as she turned to face where Louis was sat with Jimmy. Louis quickly used the palm of his hand to wipe away whatever had been threatening to escape him, though his saddened, dazed look couldn't be rubbed away so easily. As Felicity's eyes began to slide open, she saw the less than joyful look upon her lover's face as he stared down at their child.
"Louis.. are you okay?"
Lifting his gaze up to her, the male managed the smallest of side smiles, attempting to hide everything that his mind had conjured up - hiding all of the thoughts that were simply breaking his heart.
"Yeah, I'm fine."
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